The release of feelings, an emblematic purging, the visuals and sounds reflect my inner life being externalized.
Over the years I have a feeling of spiritual release brought about by an intense emotional experience. The creation of this work is almost always cathartic. Perhaps not in a commercial but always in a video and a film.
When I create I feel a catharsis, a relief of whatever is going through my life at that point.
The work is a Process of bringing to the surface repressed emotions, complexities, and feelings in an effort to identify them…and release them.
My most personal work, FATHERS DAZE was commissioned by Alyce Dissette at ALIVE TV in Spring of 1993.
I had been dealing with my father’s dementia for several years prior to this.
I had been taking a stab at writing a screenplay about it with producers JAMES SCHAMUS and TED HOPE at GOOD MACHINE, to no avail.
Thus with the personal side taking its toll, seeing his demise and it’s toll on me, and professional inexperience with narrative, I was increasingly frustrated.
I had some video research footage of my father, old home movies, and footage of him from his days in pro football.
A wonderful friend and producer named Nina Rosenstein suggested I make a short documentary about my dad using this material. Alyce agreed and FATHERS DAZE was born.
More a tone poem of sadness, frustration and love, the film was deeply personal, handmade and still speaks volumes to those who see it.
My work is organic, as I’m an untrained interpretive artist. Hence my intuitive sense guides me.
In the early days of MTV, we were taught to trust our instincts and that initial grounding and positive reinforcement has stayed with me. I read a script, hear a song, listen to an idea to interpret regardless of medium, I let my intuition guide me as to it’s execution and style.
It is about getting to an unconscious place which is my favorite place to create.
Intuition—-It is a process of allowance, of letting my trust of my instinct rule.
See an idea connecting me and letting it guide me….there is no greater joy than having your imagination run wild, seeing free, before the realities of money, schedule, fear, and execution.
Enter the process.
I think that fear and chaos always run through me in my process.
As I’ve gotten older I find a strange balance between preparedness and chaotic freeform directing.
Fear within myself …..it needs to push me to not repeat myself which I have been guilty of, returning to certain iconic images or themes that ‘’work’’ for me….
I have been accused as I’ve gotten older of having sets that are chaotic, yet I feel what emerges is something closer to art.
Planning and storyboarding have never really appealed to me, but designing chaos and shot/idea listing does work.
Being hyper visual, I like pre-visualizing with photos and location images.
I like to gather reference and inspiration, no matter the source…let it burn inside and go for it.
Fear is good—-It is the great motivator and I am not scared of that feeling of apprehension, distress, not knowing….
an idea of entities that give bad feelings
a chance to distill what I am afraid of - the life I’ve left behind.
Identity is the foundation of all the work. The work explores identity in relationship to a given story or topic or theme.
Every project is a relationship between my current life state and what is inspiring me at that time.
I feel that many artists and works have permeated my psyche and soul and are in my work.
Memory is a large thematic concept for me and a strong foundation of my sense of identity and fear -
Who are we if we remember what we did? Are our lives accumulations of these events
I also was strongly defined by memory in works as my father died form Alzheimer’s. And it became a focal point and component of a period of work
I think it obviously is connected to my feelings of mortality - fear of death - identity -
who am I ?
what will I be or do or see?
who were my parents?
how did they die?
what life will my child have?
These existential questions and musing increase as does my age….this site reflects now and will change as I do.
Mortality and time and memory are powerfully strong themes I am interested in.
I love shooting faces.
I love seeing people’s pain and joy.
It keeps me connected to humanity and makes me feel part of the purpose of life.
I wish I hadn’t experienced as much tragedy as I have, but this work I give to you, is part of my process and it's lined with catharsis, healing, and exploration.
Spirituality, questioning large themes, exposing my soul and interpreting others is my job.
Memory has always been a large component of my work. Asking who we are and what we have experienced are essential conceptual foundations. I always relate images and narrative ideas to my own experience.
To my own memory.
I think I'm always trying to process or reprocess my past, the traumas and joys, all the experience finds it's way into the work or the stories I choose to interpret.
I have come to realize that processing is breaking down, reassessing, filtering, reexamining and rendering a piece conceptually, then visually and sonically.
I prefer the word "process" to the phrase, "going on the journey" which implies a bouncy passive reaction.
To process is to Be Active--to actively engage in the experience of it, in the reassessing of the idea and it's impact.
How I articulate or execute any piece is a process of cross referring and intuition.
It involves maturing, accepting the inevitability of mortality. It also involves narrowing your focus while remaining optimistic and broad minded in the face of inevitable rejection as an artist...which isn't rejection, merely a subjective opinion about what you are trying to achieve in this world.
Between higher self-controlled art made immediately, free and easy and without any resources required (a text film made on the phone for example, posted to Facebook) or the required hustle and selling for larger budgeted interpretive assigned work or personal films made in the studio system, it is always a question of determination, keeping committed and processing all elements in every moment.
Through grief, we see light, through processing release pain, through catharsis. All the themes of work and get and life, all coalesce into the release of pain, of mystery, of story and character and metaphor, all mixed up in my brain. And for me the the intuition is trusted not feared. Allow the dark transparency of your own history, allow it to seep into the work, the lens you have chosen. Acknowledging your mistakes and using all the images and sounds to heal the rough pain, the process of possibility, of safety, of forgiveness ever present. Healing requires time, spiritual collaboration with trusted souls to allow you to see the other side, never truly glimpsed, a step to allow the recovery to begin.
The images and sounds and words all working unison, as a collective evolving body of working spirit.